Aurora’s psychiatrist suggested we get a dog. Naturally, Aurora LOVED her psychiatrist. I wasn’t so sure…about the dog or the psychiatrist. Aurora had been asking for a dog for years. From age 3 to 4 she was more interested in cats, but then she made the switch and has never wavered. She drew pictures of dogs, read about dog breeds, and pretended she was a dog.
One day when Aurora was a second grader, I received a phone call from the school.
Her teacher was speaking, “So…I’m calling to tell you that one of the recess aids found Aurora at recess with her pants and underwear pulled down.”
“What?” I replied in shock.
“I’m not sure what she was doing, but she was with another girl. When I asked her, she just says they were playing a game.”
To myself I immediately starting asking all sorts of questions. What kind of game do you play with your pants down? What eight-year-old girl does something like this? She’s too old to think this is acceptable. Was she involved in something sexual? What is a mom supposed to say to this?
Out loud I asked, “Do you need me to come to the school?”
“No,” she responded. “I just think you need to have a conversation with her about what is and isn’t appropriate at school.”
“Umm…right. I will. I’m sorry.”
I picked my children up from school that day a bit nervously. What on earth had she been thinking?
I asked her.
“What on earth were you thinking?”
This, by the way, is the exact wrong way to try to get information from Aurora. She felt like I was attacking her which I kind of was. I was embarrassed even if she wasn’t.
She did not respond.
“What were you doing?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“Your teacher called. Nothing is not an appropriate response.”
That was all I was going to get, however.
I called her friend’s mother. Maybe she had a little more information.
“Hey, Aurora is not talking. Do you know what they were doing?”
She seemed a little embarrassed to answer as well, but she said, “Yes, apparently they were pretending to be puppies. Aurora said she had to go to the bathroom, but she didn’t want to go inside. She decided to pee like a puppy would…in the grass.”
I will admit that after all the horrible images that had been in my mind, my relief made me laugh out loud. This I could deal with.
“She was pretending to be a puppy? Seriously? Geez, I thought…well, doesn’t matter. Thank you. And I’m sorry your daughter was involved.”
And I hung up the phone.
My conversation with Aurora following this was much easier than I thought it was going to be, but once again maybe not my best parenting moment because I couldn’t stop laughing. I simply said with a bit of a chuckle, “Aurora, your pants stay on at school unless you are in a bathroom stall with the door locked. I don’t care how un-doglike it might be.”
After much debate Ike and I decided that we could get a dog, but not until our youngest was three and potty-trained. I was not going to deal with potty-training a dog and a child at the same time. Despite Aurora’s lengthy research into dog breeds, I decided to put aside her requests for specific breeds and just do what I thought was best for everyone in our family. For example, my younger daughter, Miri, is quite allergic to dogs, so we needed something more hypoallergenic. Because of Aurora’s needs, I also wanted a dog that was mellow and calm to help her be more mellow and calm. And because neither Ike nor I really liked taking care of animals we needed a dog that was smallish.
As soon as Xander was potty-trained I started looking for our dog. I think the stars were aligned in order for me to find a five-month-old cocker spaniel/poodle mix puppy that fit all our criteria. We named him Finn. He was supposed to be everyone’s dog, but we all know his person is Aurora. Aurora took him everywhere with her. When doing her schoolwork, he would sit on her lap. When she was eating, he would sit on her lap…until Ike noticed and made him get down. When practicing the piano or reading, he would sit on her lap.
Often when I took the kids to school, Aurora would bring Finn in the car for the ride. Sometimes I noticed, but other times it wasn’t until we were at the school that I would realize he was there. One morning I pulled up to the kids’ school right before the bell so there were people everywhere. My kids all jumped out of the van, and unbeknownst to me, the puppy followed them. He must have been in heaven with all those people. Next thing I know, he was running crazy all over the front of the school. Everyone was trying to catch him: teachers, students, parents. He thought it was a game. I looked down and realized I was still in my pajamas and bathrobe with bare feet. I could not go out there.
So I just sat there grimacing while a kind parent cornered my dog and brought him back to me sitting in my van. The bell rang and kids went inside. I looked down and there was Aurora’s backpack still sitting next to her seat.
This was a common ADHD trait: forgetfulness. She forgot things all the time. However, I still really didn’t want to get out of my car. Luckily a latecomer passed my car about then. I hailed the boy and asked him just to set this random backpack in the office where I was sure Aurora would be headed soon to call me, wondering where she had left her backpack. I asked him this hoping I didn’t look anything like some dangerous person trying to plant a bomb or something.
That worked. I guess I am pretty safe looking in my pajamas and no makeup getup. And I drove home with my youngest and the renegade puppy, silently cursing the psychiatrist for talking us into adopting a dog.
In all fairness to Aurora and her doctor, Finn really did and does help her to control herself. She consoles herself by loving on her dog. He grounds her and helps her to be still when she is fidgety. He listens to her angry voice and responds only with love for her. I guess I could learn a thing or two from the dog.